Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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