sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
