i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize