I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
