Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
