You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
