the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
