i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
