so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
