i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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