I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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