i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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