I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
