the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
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i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
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I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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