I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
