my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
