She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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