Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
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And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
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Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize