Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
