Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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