wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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