oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We don't watch enough power rangers
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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