there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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