i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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