My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
