Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
