even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
