Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
