Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize