but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
