is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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