do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
