This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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