So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
