Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
