it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize