Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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