how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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