dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
