I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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