Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
