I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
