he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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