So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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