Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
