We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
