Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
