i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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