Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
