My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
