Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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