I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
