I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
