The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
