I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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