Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
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He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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