oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
