Pappa wants mamma naked
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
