Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
