You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There r osticjed everywhere
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
