Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
