toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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