Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
