the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
this will be a night to untag.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
