you traded sex for a burrito?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
