doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
